Rachel's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Rachel .:xxwaste_landxx:. Home Info Friends Calendar .:Check it.:. Pa-chow! Myspace Tell Time For your use [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[1.14.06 - 12.36pm] I just went through deleting old entries. I'm tired of people trying to "figure out" who I'm writing about in here. If it's about you, ovbiously you would know, because something would be wrong, right? right. Basically, this way of communicating through journal entries is immature and stupid. If theres something wrong, just tell me to my face. I'm done writing in here. This is the end. Read 5 // Post Comment

[12.30.05 - 10.52pm] [ mood | chipper ] ( Good-bye 2005. ) Read 4 // Post Comment

Don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do. [12.30.05 - 1.35am] [ mood | my world is spinning. ] I have come to realize that there are many things that I have not told you about my life. Eventually I may or may not speak of them. Mind works. Scrambling words missing. Thinking too fast. Creating fragments upon heartbreaks. I ended this. "Why don't you care about me anymore?" "Because you never cared about me..." This thinking is exhausting. I'm having trouble breathing. My heart is pounding so hard it hurts. But you don't care. You never cared. "But whatever I have gettin myself into Maybe has been slicing inches from my waist It’s my fist vs. the bottle and thank God you weren’t there... And that’s how bad could this hurt Or against I won’t feel a thing and thank God you weren’t there... I tell you all about it It’s just not working out [...to watch me hit the bottle] Not working out."

[12.25.05 - 11.32pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Plain white t's- Lazy day afternoon ] PS: New coat :) Like the star of a really sad story You don't live happily I started out alone And in the end that's where I'll be... Read 8 // Post Comment

Here's to the nights we felt alive. [12.21.05 - 10.12pm] [ mood | sad ] At 2 am this morning, I laid in my bed, swallowing spit and listening to the second disc of the ONLY two disc mix I have ever gotten in my life. It made me appreciate this more, It made me appreciate you more. Listening to these songs reminded me of the first time we met in the parking lot of my work and how we somehow all formed a "parking lot party". Thinking of these things reminded me of the ( summer. ) Read 6 // Post Comment

[12.21.05 - 12.05am] [ mood | annoyed ] And sometimes I can't do anything right then I hate myself alot and update my livejournal like a whiny little bitch. Blood is thicker then water. (one point) ( look at my pictures assholes. ) Read 2 // Post Comment

[12.1.05 - 10.21pm] [ mood | drained ] Seriously. This job sucks. Read 7 // Post Comment

you are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my vains. [11.26.05 - 11.46pm] [ music | Brand new- the boy who blocked his own shot ] Sometimes I just want to walk. I don't care if theres snow on the ground and the tip of my nose is red and I can see my breathe, it just makes me happy to be alive for a few minutes. Times are changing and I'm tired of complaining, like the dead trees and frozen leaves on the ground, this all serves a purpose I have not yet found. And sometimes my mind goes into this state where i feel like I'm losing everything and the only thing I can do is lay in my bed with the blankets and sheets never made, just staring out my window with the cold glass and grey skies. And sometimes I think I'm just selfish, like I take too many things for granted. These minutes, seconds that we have to live keep going by so fast and I have yet to accept this fact. And I don't understand why I never sleep, even when I try, I find myself staring at these neon spots everytime I turn off the lights and close my eyes. And now I'm thinking how it's impossible to tell what tomrrow is going to bring. A building full of people I know for a fact dislike me, strangers asking me all the questions I don't have the answers to, or just another morning where my body refuses to let me get out of bed. Try all of the above. I can never prepare myself for this, I just have to tough it up. ( I really like my hair,fuck you. ) Read 2 // Post Comment

[11.25.05 - 9.30pm] [ mood | down ] ( fuck. ) Read 3 // Post Comment

[11.24.05 - 11.00pm] [ mood | bored ] So first things first, Happy Thanksgiving guys :] Today was alright, woke up at 2 and we all ate dinner at 3 in our pajamas. Tomrrow is gonna suck cock due to the fact that I gotta work and everyone knows the day after thanksgiving is thee worst fucking day of the year to be in a store anywhere. I heard walmart is doing something at like 5 in the morning where they're selling ipods of laptops for 5 bucks but it could just be a rumor and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be out there with a bunch of crazy people trying to get cheap shit. Anyways, here's pictures from tuesday night: ( I'm two quaters and a heart down and I don't wanna forget how your voice sounds ) Read 4 // Post Comment

[11.23.05 - 7.43am] [ mood | blank ] So last night was nintendo fusion (panic! at the disco, boys night out, motion city soundtrack, the starting line, and fall out boy) we got there late and missed panic :( that was wicked depressing and then me and caity each lost a shirt which I tweaked out about because Im just that stupid when it comes to clothes, espically the cute ones. But overall it was a good show, fall out boy was amazing, motion city was great to dance to and their keyboardist plays that shit like no otha, boys night out kinda really sucks from what I hear, and the starting line made me want to download every song ever made by them all that needs to be said about them is: I'm gonna tear your ass up like we just got married and your all mine now. Pictures later. Peace <3 Read 1 // Post Comment

[11.20.05 - 3.00pm] [ mood | freezing ] It was walking across the marble floors of a five star hotel and looking over at my mother asking "how much did this cost again?" and her response was "don't worry about it". There was a fireplace and a ballroom where we would soon be sitting at a table with two other older couples. ( and as everything went on... ) Read 4 // Post Comment

[11.15.05 - 8.11am] The tempature this morning was 40, this room feels like 20, my eyes are burning, my mind is moving slower then ever, the music I've been listening to all day is sad as compared to this mood I'm in. Fights with my mother and breakdowns at 5:56am aren't good...they just ruin my day. Not that I have anything to look foward to but its just a letdown. And now I'm thinking of all the things that are miles away outside of the walls of this room and how I can't stand to be in this building anymore and how I just wish I could leave this state. Even though I know I can't. Not for another 2 years atleast. (ps: I'm grounded so don't expect me to be online for a while and don't try calling my phone) Read 1 // Post Comment

[11.2.05 - 9.47pm] [ mood | drained ] Sometimes I wish I was different...no, no sometimes I wish people and this place were different. I don't even know why I bother getting out of bed in the morning or doing half the things I do like going to school or work when I really don't want to and have the option of calling in, I never do. But my general question nearly everyday is "What is wrong with me?". Read 2 // Post Comment

[10.26.05 - 2.46pm] The Desiderata By: Max Ehlrmann Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. (one of the few poems I like lately) Post Comment

[10.25.05 - 2.51pm] [ mood | depressed ] I love how people talk alot of trash and then act like they're my bestfriend and I love how I never have time for anything anymore and I love how much of a bitch i've been to everyone lately oh and I love how fucking pathetic all of this is. Read 2 // Post Comment

[10.17.05 - 8.37pm] [ mood | tired ] ( how about some pictures? ) Read 3 // Post Comment

[10.16.05 - 12.52am] [ mood | ecstatic ] Tonight was the My chemical romance/reggie and the full effect/alkaline trio show and it blew my fucking mind! so good, except when MCR played their old songs you couldn't hear them that well but overall it was amazing. Last night was homecoming which was fun, despite the fact that drunk girls all over the place were puking like idiots. Work tomrrow at 10am is gonna suck. Post Comment

[10.12.05 - 10.19pm] [ mood | batty? ] its spirit week at bedford, tomrrows super hero day, bring it on. Read 3 // Post Comment

[10.9.05 - 12.00am] sometimes I wonder why I even bother anymore, fuck it. Read 2 // Post Comment

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